I wrote most of this a few months ago in Oregon while on my road trip and like some other posts never actually posted it for whatever reason. On my personal website / journal that very few people even see. I’m trying to get over that even just for me to look back on in 5, 10, 20 years and probably cringe. Also if I keep writing no matter how simple or “bad” I’m pretty sure it will eventually get less bad.
Solo travel is my favorite and in my opinion most rewarding form of traveling.
It’s not “better” than other forms of travel (I love them all) but I do think it is the best form for immersion and observation. I feel very strongly that everyone should take a solo trip at some point in their life to experience it themselves.
My first real solo trip was to the Pacific Northwest about ten years ago, where I happen to be right now. I had previously dipped my toe into the solo waters through a lot of time wandering my town in Australia by myself during my study abroad semester, solo excursions in and around New York City, and a solo (for me) group trip to Costa Rica. The PNW was the first real time it was just me traveling all on my own.
I spent a few nights in Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver and had an incredible experience of exploring and eating way too much. That was my travel style back then. It was the longest I had ever been out on my own and after that I was hooked. Since then, I’ve traveled to Copenhagen, Barcelona, Norway, Amsterdam, Argentina, Hong Kong, Taiwan, China, Cambodia, Newfoundland, Switzerland, Bermuda, (now adding Peru, Nepal) a few different places in the States, and now this much longer US road trip while Jason Derulo – Riding Solo.
Most were very short trips, I was alone in Asia but working so it was the weekend trips where I was truly alone and in Switzerland I was alone for about three weeks which is the longest trip prior to what I’m currently embarking on. Throughout the rest of this year I’ll be doing some more international solo trips without the wonderful benefit of stopping at friend’s places along the way.
Interspersed within all that were trips with friends and family that were equally great experiences (and some better), but I still believe that being alone is the best way to really visit a place and learn about yourself in the process.
Hopefully nothing I’ve said on this website has turned anyone off solo travel in general even if it may have turned you off to my versions of solo travel. Like being alone in a tent.
The best part of traveling alone is that it can take whatever form you want. If you’d like to run around a city all day stopping at every landmark and eating six meals at different restaurants, cafes and bars you can do that. If you’d like to sit on a beach all day with a book and do as little as possible you can do that too. And anywhere in between. You get the freedom to wake up and choose your own adventure. When you’re with other people that’s not usually the case for better or worse.
The other benefit of traveling alone is it’s easier to immerse yourself in the place itself. You will have to. It can get very boring traveling by yourself once you slow down. It is a lot of time with your thoughts.
I personally am not a solo traveler that talks with every local they possibly can, but that’s a route others take. It’s not my personality and you have to be careful you’re not inviting danger by doing so. I sincerely believe that most people (anywhere) are generally good people that would either show kindness and a desire to get to know you or simply indifference and a cold shoulder rather than anything malicious, but bad things can obviously happen.
Even if you take the quiet route that I generally do, you observe far more about a place when you’re alone. The sights, the people, how groups interact with each other, the language, the food—it’s much easier to enjoy a meal when you have zero distractions. Whether you choose to engage with those around you or not you are more immersed in that place. You do have to make sure to get out of your own head.
One of the other reasons I’m a big proponent of solo travel is because it’s still something that (I think) not everyone has done. Most adults have been on trips with family and friends. It doesn’t really matter where, but that form of vacationing is well covered for most. I still think there are plenty of people out there that haven’t taken a trip alone. So, no matter where you go the process of planning, going, messing things up, growing, and seeing whether or not you enjoy the experience is much more likely to be a new challenge for you to undertake. The older we get the fewer big new experiences we have.
Traveling in a group whether its friends or family can often just be “exporting” that life to a new place. You carry along the inside jokes and shared memories, which are great to reminisce about, but you also carry the stress and friction points of those relationships to that place too. It’s not YOU experiencing that new place it’s the GROUP and everything on the trip is shaped by that.
I am not trying to say that isn’t a great and fun way to travel but it does in my opinion make the destination matter significantly less. To the extreme, bachelor and bachelorette parties are just a group of people partying in a random city. It rarely matters where it is because it’s about the group not the place itself. That is totally fine of course, it’s just not necessarily seeing that place. If that’s what you’re after, going solo is a better route.
Side note: because those weekends are about the people not the place you should never complain about which place is chosen. That’s up to them. Whether it’s Bangkok or Buffalo if you can afford to go you’re along for the ride and make the best of that time with friends. So if I invite you somewhere weird I don’t want to hear any complaints.
My suggestion on a first venture into solo travel is to start small. It should, however, be somewhere you really want to go and haven’t visited yet. It can be a weekend trip to a different part of the state you’ve never been to. A visit to a nearby state. Or perhaps a long weekend trip to a country you really want to go to and don’t care if your friends share that interest.
You could fly to a country to see one thing and make an itinerary around it, which is what I did when I visited Amsterdam for King’s Day, the coolest holiday I’ve ever experienced and the most fun I’ve ever had alone. If you want a sneak peak on King’s Day it’s basically the 4th of July, a spring college party weekend, a massive tag sale, and St. Paddy’s Day all mixed together.
Don’t make your first solo travel experience the furthest, most exotic place you’ve ever been unless you know with certainty the destination is incredibly safe and efficiently run. I think anyone could make Switzerland their first solo trip even if you’ve never left the country. China was a bit harder to navigate and significantly more overwhelming. I feel the same way about Kathmandu.
If you can, I would pay a little extra on your first solo trip to make sure you’re comfortable wherever you’re staying. It doesn’t have to be the Ritz, but it probably shouldn’t be the absolute cheapest option on Booking.com either. If you’re worried about being overwhelmed by other people a dorm room in a hostel is probably not your best bet. The ability to lie in your own bed in a private room is sometimes the best antidote for travel stress. I still have plenty of days where I don’t do much of anything besides relax in a hotel bed.
I would not recommend booking a long trip as your solo travel initiation. Most of the time I travel alone I don’t feel particularly lonely, but when I do it hits like a freight train.
There is a very strange feeling of being lonely and realizing you don’t know anyone around for miles. It’s happened in Vancouver, Taiwan, Argentina, and Switzerland and it’s never a pleasant feeling. I can remember each of those moments vividly.
It’s part I want a friendly face to talk to and part “what the hell am I doing here right now?”
It usually hits me when I’m tired, hot, haven’t slept enough, or something stressful has just happened. It usually goes away with a big meal and an early night to sleep. I don’t put all the blame on traveling alone though. Sometimes I just get lonely.
It can happen at home or on the road. In a big city or out in nature. It can even happen in a room surrounded by your friends. Maybe everyone doesn’t experience this, but for me sometimes I think it’s just my brains way of saying you’re done, the day’s over, eat something, and sleep. Tomorrow’s a new day.
I do think you’ll feel lonely, but I think the feeling will pass and I think it’s worth it. Outside of simple type 1 social fun which is obviously best achieved through friends, family, or group trips all your other emotions are amplified when you travel alone. The good and the bad.
When you screw something up or get lost it’s more stressful without someone (patient) there to help figure it out together with. But you will figure it out and you’ll have relied entirely on yourself and your ability to deal with uncertainty to achieve that. When I’m with a group I can always default to Anthony Bourdain’s advice of “When dealing with complex transportation issues, the best thing to do is pull up with a cold beer and let somebody else figure it out.”
When you are wandering around a small town in China for two hours trying to find your bed and breakfast without a properly functioning phone and zero Mandarin, you’re on your own. You need to be the one that gets yourself out of the situation. It’s your decision-making skills that are put to the test to solve whatever problems come your way, and you will encounter problems. But. You. Will. Figure. It. Out.
In my mind the occasional loneliness is worth the freedom, immersion, and connection to a place you get through solo travel. There is something incredibly exciting and rewarding about planning out exactly what you want to do and not needing to run that by your group or sell someone on why it should be on the itinerary. The other benefit is you could visit a place, get a coffee or dessert somewhere, or book a dinner at an interesting restaurant and it can be a TERRIBLE experience and the only person you need to apologize to is yourself.
If you’re like me and in charge of an itinerary the worry that others won’t enjoy wherever you want to go can get in the way of enjoying the place itself. I have been known to be so paralyzed by worry that my choice won’t be well received that I can’t make any decision at all. I am admittedly not always the best group traveler for this reason. Terrible on occasion. Hopefully I get better.
Even as someone who isn’t very social traveling alone, I’ve had a few memorable experiences I never would have had if I was in a group.
The night I was rained into a Barcelona champagne and tapas bar for hours speaking Spanish. This probably would have been English only and a group Uber evac once someone got bored.
The most memorable meal I’ve ever had in Fenghuang China during Mid-Autumn Festival with the owners and employees of the B&B I was staying at, Google-translating every question and joke. This probably would have been a forgettable meal at a western leaning restaurant in town that lasted minutes rather than hours.
If I were more adventurous and outgoing, I know I’d have dozens of these stories. In a group you open yourself up to fewer surprise recommendations on restaurants and bars. Fewer “locals only” places where the last thing they want is 5 loud American bros rolling in. One weirdo? OK, we’ll allow it.
I don’t expect to travel solo extensively the rest of my life. I know it’s not feasible with a spouse or family to be your main form of travel, but I’m enjoying the freedom while I have it and I do think that everyone can and should travel alone and with some degree of regularity. Even if I found a carbon copy travel weirdo, I’d still expect occasionally we’d want to visit different places. I think that’s healthy. I am more introverted than most, but I think time alone is something to be cherished.
I’m certain anyone with a little planning can figure out how to work a long weekend solo trip into their year. So just do it. Book the trip by yourself. Do your research. Thoroughly. Then go and let yourself figure it all out and solve whatever problems comes your way. You will learn and grow through that process and in my opinion that’s the whole point of travel in the first place.
Having said all that, if anyone wants to say hello on the other side of the world this year I’ll be around…
Thanks,
July/October
Mt. Hood Oregon and Kathmandu Nepal (naturally)